The deterioration of relationships is often a canary in the coal mine for substance abuse problems. Addiction can take over the roles of our friends, family, and partner. Our substances become the most important things in our lives. They take our attention from those closest to us. We start neglecting our loved ones, treating them badly, and having negative feelings about them.
Of course, we deny our blame and lash out at them. They are being too judgemental and angry for no reason. Why can’t they get off our back about our drinking and drugs?! As we spiral down on yet another cycle, we become more negative or crazy. Our circle of people continues to diminish. We get invited to less places since we often act like shitheads.
Our families don’t like what we do and say. We have clearly been changing for the worse for a while. The people that used to know us see us transformed into alcoholics and addicts. Life starts to get very lonely, especially if we are isolating.
Veterans also face unique relationship issues from being deployed for months on end. We miss out on parts of our lives and come back different people. We forget how we related to those close to us and vice versa. This was a huge source of confusion, frustration, and a desire to isolate after my two Iraq deployments.
Over time, denial of our addiction plays a huge role in our relationships. We think we are only hurting ourselves. In reality, we are closing ourselves down and neglecting those closest to us. We have put our substances above our human relationships. This fact weighs heavily on them. They decide to cut us off for their own good.
All along it was us with the problems we couldn’t admit. Accepting this and taking responsibility is a necessary 180 degree turn in our attitudes and behaviors. As we practice responsibility, it removes us from the blame game and the victimhood at the same time. That first admittance has been the start of recovery and a better life for millions of people. It can work for you too.
If you find that people are disappearing from your life and you don’t care because you still have your substances, then you certainly have a problem. Look into recovery because it will only get worse. New people and new relationships await.
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