Through my military years of drinking to have fun, drinking to avoid feelings, drinking to get rid of hangovers and drinking for any other reason, my primary identity became: proud drunk. I loved bars, breweries and restaurants of every type. The only people I hung out with were heavy drinkers.
After joining the Civilian Division, I would usually have a few drinks out and about, then finish the day drinking, smoking weed, and working on websites until I basically passed out. Over time, I began running out of money, so four dollar bottles of wine began to see me off to sleep.
At the core of my being, I was a drunken, pothead veteran. It was as embedded in me as my name. I’m surprised I didn’t get a hat or a shirt that said it. I assimilated this new identity slowly with every drink and weed bowl. I had been taken over. But, I thought I had earned the right. After all, I had helped save thousands of lives, dammit!
Coming into recovery (AA) and working on my steps showed me this was an identity I needed to release if I were to heal and continue living in any meaningful way. There was nothing to justify destroying myself like that.
I realized I had to forge a new identity. The principles that I am learning while staying sober are creating a new me day by day. Now I am a spiritual, honest, peaceful, understanding person in recovery. The younger military me would have called today’s me a weak hippie or something!
I had to let this drunk ego / persona dissipate in order to be reborn. That old me had to die away one day at a time, one issue at a time, one judgement at a time, one secret at a time. My foundation was rotted. It needed to be dug out and newly formed.
Mantra to keep telling yourself: “I am no longer a drunk or a drug user. I improve daily and learn about myself in recovery.”
Principle: Admittance. We have to admit our problems to ourselves to become willing to change.
Self-Study Questions – Identity
What is your core identity? How do you think of yourself?
Do your actions and attitudes align with your identity?
Is your identity negatively impacting your life? Have you thought about changing it?
What do you find yourself doing every day?
Are you willing to get sober, try recovery, and become a new person? Why or why not?