Deep sleep is vital for a healthy life. I now treasure good rest because my sleep was garbage for a solid 12 years. Whether my mind was racing about my deployments or 10 different global conspiracies, I was not resting peacefully. I would sleep in two hour chunks at best.
I had so many intense nightmares for so long that they actually became an adventure to me. I think my sleep paralysis demon became bored when I befriended him. He was made out of equal parts oblivion and red light. I called him Gus!
I would be killed over and over in my dreams, reliving the hundreds of dead I saw in our Iraq field hospital. After a while I would wake up laughing, “oh nice, shot in the head again!” Those were the nights when a couple of 2 a.m. beers or bong rips were my only friends and advisors.
Terrible sleep was another cycle of addiction that I fell in to. My mind would race and my dreams would be vividly intense because of my substance abuse, depression, and PTSD. I would try to get better sleep by drinking more. But of course, that led to more misery and racing thoughts the next day. I trapped myself like that for years.
Sleep deprivation and night terrors were the biggest sources of misery in my life back then. My mind was not getting much downtime. I became an anxious zombie, later turning into a paranoid lunatic.
One of the biggest gifts that recovery has given me is a full night’s sleep. My dreams are rare and random instead of the hellish sci-fi world they used to be. If I got nothing else from being sober, that would be completely worth it by itself. But recovery has given me so much more.
Self-Study Questions: Crappy Sleep?
Does drinking or using drugs affect your sleep?
What common thoughts keep going through your mind before sleep?
Are you having nightmares regularly? Do they repeat? What do you think your mind is telling you?
Are you drinking or drugging to try and get better sleep? Is it working or making it worse?
Are you drinking or using drugs to self-medicate through the day? Do they create other problems? (Depression, anxiety, more bad sleep, paranoia, PTSD, etc.)
Do you feel like similar problems and thoughts keep popping up for you? Is drinking or drugging keep you stuck through avoidance? How?