Step 2: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
Many addicts and alcoholics talk about an emptiness inside they were trying to fill for a long time. Veterans feel this hollowness for many reason including isolation, depression, failed relationships, PTSD, losing our identity, war experiences, and plenty of other shittiness we have been through.
For years I leaned heavily on alcohol for everything, good and bad. It became my God since I didn’t really believe in anything else. It also morphed into my best friend and partner. I was worshipping and dependent on my own source of destruction for a long time.
A growing connection to a higher power can fill that void and set aside our urge to drink and use drugs one day at a time. The new community we join in the rooms of recovery also does this. The substances yield to this new and greater boss instead of dominating our inflated senses of self. It is a bigger authority which allows a daily reprieve from our addictions.
Most veterans have some type of faith, which is helpful for sobriety. Others have come to hate God because of their experiences or worship a war God of violence. Still others (like me) had zero belief for most of my life. In recovery, we get to shift our views of religion and spirituality. Many return to their faith if they drifted away from it in addiction. Others become much more active with their communities. These are great things because it is another antidote to isolation.
Being a non-believer for most of my adult life, I’ve had to ponder and build my own spiritual perspectives in recovery. I still bounce between agnostic and atheist, but continue to merge my views with the wonder I get from the sciences. My philosophies get weird sometimes, but they are mine and aid in my sobriety!
Your views of God or the Universe may need to be edited for your healing. These might have to shift from a wrathful, angry, and punishing God to one that wants you to be at peace, healing, helping others, and staying sober one day at a time (merely as an example).
You have the right and ability to change your beliefs. In working the steps of recovery, your views about higher powers and God will probably evolve. Most people that stay sober have a vision of a beneficial higher power. Some non-believers might never believe, but sobriety and a recovery program tends to diminish all our egos regardless.
I have heard people use plenty of alternative Higher Powers as well such as: nature, the Sun, the ocean, the galaxy, or the Universe. You choose, as long as you believe it helps you stay sober. For many this is a spiritual program, not a religious one.
It’s also important to not skip over the second part of step two. To be restored to sanity meant that I had to admit my addictions, actions, and thoughts were insane. My repetitive self abuse and belief that I was fine were the base of my problems. Where have you been insane?
It can be especially difficult for a veteran to admit they are mentally ill in some way. The familiar stigmas can emerge to fuel self judgements and avoidance of help. But pushing through those barriers is where we find healing.
We might have looked down on those with mental health problems while in the military. I know I did. I made fun of them behind their backs and thought they were avoiding duty and fucking over the rest of us. I was completely wrong and I now apologize.
Certainly, my judgements came from my uneasiness within me, which I kept locked away. I was projecting my own instability onto others. That first admission of my insanity and powerlessness cracked open the door to recovery and healing. I was broken and sick enough to stay with the recovery rooms, consider spiritual principles, and step on the path of healing. It has truly been a life saving and transformative process.
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