“What’s wrong with pain? It’s only temporary!” That was one of the stupid motivational chants we learned in one of my military schools. Remember that one?
While enlisted, I was trained to embrace and even enjoy misery when the mission asked for it. We had to be tough! Of course, this way of being was necessary in a combat zone or when working around the clock.
Learning to push the suffering out of our minds and perform was part of the military experience. It served me well when lives were on the line, but it really bit me in the ass when I was deep in alcoholism after getting out.
I was in a weird state of mind for many years after my deployments. I wore my hangovers as a badge of honor. As I fell deeper into addiction as a civilian, I would “push through” my mornings by drinking or smoking weed.
Of course, this made things even worse as time dragged on. I began dipping in and out of paranoid psychosis and was in a continuous state of anxiety. Since I was working online and isolating to the extreme, nobody could see my deterioration.
I finally came into recovery (AA meetings specifically) when I was completely broken and desperate. The familiarity I had with suffering day in, day out kept me on the hamster wheel. It was my normal state until I finally had enough. I saw the light and came to the realization that suffering was not necessary in life.
Looking back, I should have recognized my drinking problem in my early 20s, but the toughness that I learned kept me in denial for another 15 miserable years. My drinking buddies were the same way, so I saw it as normal.
So, go ahead and take an honest look at yourself right here and right now. Is your job, family, money, health or mind being negatively affected by drinking or drugging? Do you drink or use more than you plan? Would you be better off quitting?
The truth is that misery is not mandatory. Suffering from alcohol or drugs is not normal and you can find free help today.
I would be dead without dragging my defeated ass into AA. I have zero doubt about that. So consider reading about addiction and recovery programs right now. Go Google them.
There is probably a free recovery meeting close to you today. There are definitely ones going on Zoom at least every hour. There are also recorded recovery talks on Youtube too. Go check them out.
The real toughness is when we admit our problems that are destroying us, ask for help, and start to practice recovery. Becoming honest about the level I had sunk was one of the most difficult admissions of my life. But this first honesty saved my life.
If this 17 year blackout drinking pothead can get years of sobriety you can too. It’s not easy at first, but you can be tough once more until misery is no longer your companion. Suffering is not cool as we grow older.
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