Substance abuse is a very selfish thing that usually lasts a long time. For me it was based on wanting to have fun, not be bored, or avoid thoughts and feelings. In other words, I was only focused on what I wanted and what I was escaping, nothing else. I had decayed far from the helpful, selfless military member of my early 20s. It took me a few months at the start of recovery to admit how self centered I had become. This is why recovery asks us to find something greater than us for help.
Like I said before, though. Don’t let the God / higher power thing push you away from recovery. There are options such as secular meetings and other recovery programs too. Learning humility is the name of the game and many do that through spirituality, but some people use other things such as the behavior therapy of the SMART program.
The inflated sense of self (self-centeredness, self-pity, self-hatred, self-promotion, etc.) has become a spiritual problem for us. When we are at the center of our Universe, that needs to be addressed for sobriety to take hold.
In AA, it is suggested we turn to God or a higher power of our own understanding so we can set our selfishness aside. We decide what our higher power looks like as long as he or she or it helps us stay sober and clean. It can be a religious God or something else such as the Universe, Nature, or whatever makes sense to you. Many people use the rooms and people in recovery as a collective higher power at first. As long as you believe your higher power can help you stay sober and clean, that is what you need.
Step one showed us we could not control our addictions by our self will, no matter how hard we tried. In a spirtual program of recovery, we learn to release our obsession with selfish things. We let reality (including people, places, and events) unfold without raging against it. We can’t change reality, but in recovery we sure as shit change our perspectives and reactions! Steps two and three ask us to yield to this greater reality or power and find a humble, peaceful way of being throughout the day.
We find a new state of ease where we no longer need to escape with substances or other addictions. Our minds become less torturous, which is a real miracle. The repetition of meetings and steps guides us in that direction. It is a hell of a lot better than the frustrated and irritated way I was. But, releasing control took time and work for this veteran. I had to unwind a lot of shit in my mind, so be patient with yourself.
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